Lucia has something to say

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Chromosomal Mystery

So I was reading Perplexio's blog, about a woman who sat at his table while he was dining alone, and it reminded me of this baffling mystery.

I've noticed in public places, like the dog park or the grocery store, that men share information about whether they've got wives or girlfriends irregardless of whether the situation calls for it or not. It's like they can't not share the information, and it comes burbling out in all sorts of forms.

Here's an example. When I'm walking in the dog park, if my dog starts walking with another dog, generally the humans with them wind up walking together for a while too. In the first 30 seconds, usually a guy will say, "Usually my girlfriend does this." or "My wife buys dog food."

Why? We're walking along doing nothing. Talking about nothing really. I'm not putting out some vibe. But, inevitably, this will tumble out of nowhere.

I appreciate men who are trying to do the right thing and be good partners, but I don't get this. I can't imagine myself saying, "I'm not available" to strangers. For example, I expect that a lot of people reading this blog don't know that I'm married. Generally this information only comes up when it's relevant in some way.

Does anyone have any idea why this happens? Is it men not knowing how to communicate this information? Is it egocentrism? The belief that everyone must want them? What exactly is going on here?


Blogger Citymouse said...

Guilt. I think they see some one, think they may have a chance, feel guilty and must confess.

Most men never metion the wife or girlfriend thing to me until after I say What are you nuts??? Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

3:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Listen, its like this Lucia: so many guys are on the make that GOOD and HONEST monogamous types want women they bump into to know they are not a sh!thead trying to hit on them. Its really true! I put up pictures of my wife on the blog all the time, just so folks know. All my customers are women, so I make it clear. This way, just like here in your comments, it is clear that I am just chatting and passing the time of day, not looking for a date.
So, at the dogpark, guys are trying to keep things calm and friendly, as in 'we're talking and I am not trying to get in your pants'. :^)

5:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, geepers. I have a theory about this one. Of course, as usual, I think it sends a cultural message. What the guy is really saying is "I have a girlfriend/wife" which establishes his position in the social network. He's not a lonely loser who might be a serial killer. It's a way of saying "I'm not a threat." I've noticed that in the same context, such as a dog walk, I immediately get a litany of all someone's social relationships. If you were putting out the vibe and he didn't want you to know because he might stand a chance of .. well... getting laid, you wouldn't be hearing about the girlfriend or wife. :)

I get a perverse pleasure from *not* discussing any of my social relationships in that way. Most people don't know whether I have an SO, kids or anything beyond a dog named Shanti. Like you, I discuss them when it's relevant.

Just a view from my rather oddly misshapen chicken coop.



5:56 PM  
Blogger meno said...

That's a good question. I think it involves some bit of ego. But it's a question probably better answered by a man.

5:59 PM  
Blogger Dan said...

We have been well-trained by our wives -- that's why we do that!

By the way, you're MARRIED!? Why didn't you say so earlier??!!


6:42 PM  
Blogger KC said...

I agree with gr and dan. After hearing more than one story about women who were trying to put the moves on JP while we were dating (he's so nice and polite that conversations could turn into homemade cookie deliveries and invitations to the movies), I made it clear that this was NOT ACCEPTABLE. So even in innocuous situations, I think men can feel obligated to state their positions in life, just in case.

6:11 AM  
Blogger Lynnea said...

gr sounds very reasonable which makes me think that we and the many piggy men in the world have managed to make the nice guys feel very paranoid, which is sad.

8:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maggie, I'm not paranoid, it's just that I am so darn handsome women everywhere are always throwing their undies at me and trying to ...........

(WHOOOOEEEE! that was fun)

9:15 AM  
Blogger Susan as Herself said...

Yeah, I'd noticed this too. I never really gave it much thought as to why, but now that you mention it, it does happen more often then not.

Next time it happens to me, I'm going to reply, "Well, I guess that means we won't be getting a motel room, huh?"

I'll let ya know how it turns out...

11:45 AM  
Blogger Lucia said...

OK, then, we've got guilt, cultural acceptability, ego maybe, good training by wives/girlfriends, and nasty piggy men.

I'd like to believe gr's explanation, that's it based on men trying to be good and honest, but I do think there's probably an equal amount of training thrown in.

I'm with tg, I think I take a perverse pleasure too in not revealing my relationships. (Although I'm not sure why.)

gr, rough life. With that constant rain of undies, I just don't know how you get anything done! I'm expecting to see one draped on a pottery photo one of these days since it must be impossible to keep them off!

Susan, I'm with you, I'm definitely going to throw this line out there on a day when I'm feeling particularly snarky, just to see what happens. Ha!

12:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's defenitily because everyone wants us...

Or at least that's what we like ot pretend. ;)


12:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Me, Dan and Steven getting chased down the street, a trail of filmy garments flying after us....

3:03 PM  
Blogger Girlplustwo said...

probably guilt. they are most likely safeguarding themselves from a stunner like yourself...

3:57 PM  
Blogger Lucia said...

SN: Of course everybody wants you guys. Now take your head out of that bucket.

gr: HA! So that's what just went by my window...filmy garments.

Jen: Gotta watch the coop. While the roosters are away, the stunners go to the dog park.

4:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In defense of my gender-- if a guy is just meeting a girl for the first time, whether it be a stranger, a friend, or a friend of a friend... well frankly he doesn't know you from Eve. He doesn't know your intentions because he doesn't know you yet. It's just a way of "clearing the air" so to speak so the female he's speaking to knows that he knows he's involved.

It's not his way of saying, "I'm involved" so much as "I know I'm involved." That is to say there are enough slime-balls around who give us good guys a bad name. Those of us who are trying to do right by our "others" say those things to send out the message that we aren't one of "THOSE guys!" You know the ones for which a wedding ring is only a piece of jewelry with no significance and the word commitment only really means, "until I find someone better."

Does that make sense?

7:11 PM  
Blogger Lucia said...

Butt: Like criminals, huh?

Perplexio: Yup, I guess it makes sense, but it still seems odd to me in some way, probably because women don't seem to do this (or maybe they do and I don't?)

Isn't it interesting how all the "good" guys who do this and have a reason for it are here. Where are the "bad" guys? Running carnival rides somewhere?

8:00 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Bad guys don't walk their dogs.

12:06 AM  

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